Merry Christmas, Mamoru
by i1976 - blu notte
Summary: Mamoru gets a special present on Christmas Eve. Mamoru's POV.


_Merry Christmas to you all. I wish happiness to you all, may you share it with your family and people you love the most._

 _Christmas, to me, is both happy and sad, a mix of contrasting feelings, and I think this is why this one-shot has sort of melancholic spirit. Hope you are going to enjoy it (I am not very used to write in Mamoru's POV)._

 _(the cover of this story was drawn by me)_

* * *

 **MERRY CHRISTMAS, MAMORU**

Mamoru glanced at the city outside the window: Tokyo was bathed in warm and colored lights, the Tokyo Tower towering on everything. Through the window, he could hear Christmas' songs coming from everywhere, muffled sounds entering his silent and dark apartment.

A whisper escaped from his lips as his eyes moved from the outer landscape to the glass box placed at the center of the table, now empty box reflecting the colored lights from the outside whereas there was a time it was lighted by the stones it cherished: lavender, red, green and silver lights emanated by the stones before the spirits housed in those stones appeared.

There was a time he could touch those stone, summoning the spirits inside. That time ended in the Galaxy Cauldron, where those stones got lost.

It was the first Christmas after his coming back to life in the Cauldron; his first Christmas he couldn't touch those stones, feeling the power in them and thanking them for their help, praying for a future where those stones would have been just empty stones 'cause the spirits previously inside would have had their bodies.

There was a time he believed in a future where he would have learnt how to use the Golden Crystal in its full power, using that power to give a new chance of life to his faithful guardians, the Knights that had protected him, life after life, despite their cruel destiny.

He gently caressed the box, empty box. The chance to revive the Shitennou was gone, gone with the stones the box once cherished.

Mamoru stared at his hand wide opened in front of his face. When he was still Endymion, a life ago, that hand had caressed the Shitennou's bodies after their deadly attempt to prevent Metalia and Beryl from controlling the Earth. That hand had closed the Shitennou's vitreous eyes after their death.

He placed his hand on his chest and gripped his shirt tightly, trying to control his shaking and to erase those painful memories: memories of his hand touching the Shitennou's corpses as tears flowed from his eyes, memories of his voice announcing the Shitennou's death to Serenity and to the Senshi, memories of the Senshi's desperate crying piercing his ears. Tragic memories still impressed in his body.

It wasn't fair. Everything happened wasn't fair at all.

Why were the Shitennou revived just to be used by Metalia before they could regain their memories and find him? Why did the Shitennou die? Why could he have them just as spirits cherished into stones?

Under his shirt he could feel his heart beating. That heart would have stopped beating time before, slashed by Sailor Moon's sword, if the Shitennou hadn't used their last power to transform into stones after their death and if those stones hadn't protected him, materializing in front of him and taking the sword for him. The Shitennou had stayed by his side in the only form they could take, deciding to trap their spirits in stony prisons instead of freeing themselves from any form of control.

Mamoru wanted to repay their loyalty bringing them back to life. He would have brought them back to life, some day, when his power would have been enough strong, but now there was no spirit to bring to life. They were gone, gone in the Cauldron because he hadn't been enough strong to keep them safe with him.

He gritted his teeth. He was useless. Usagi was able to save the whole World, to save him, to save her Senshi. Saving the Shitennou was his task, his role, but he wasn't able to do it.

" _Believe in your power, Master!"_

He could still hear Kunzite's voice resounding in his apartment. He could still image the four spirits sparkling in front of him, wrapped in their warm lights: lavender for Jadeite, green for Zoisite, red for Nephrite and silver for Kunzite. He could still see them kneeling down in front of him after Metalia's defeat, smiling at him.

" _You and the Princess are finally going to be happy,"_ their last words after the battle against Metalia, wishing him a happy future with Usagi.

How many times did he summon them? How many times did they help him with their advises and their support? They were by his side even when he didn't summon them; he knew it. They kept an eye on him, worrying for him when he was in danger and rejoicing when he was safe and happy.

He wanted to free the Shitennou from their stones, some day, giving them the chance to be happy the way he was, by the side of the woman he loved. He wanted the Shitennou to be happy by the Senshi's side the way he was happy by Usagi's side; he wanted the Shitennou to be his friends the way the Senshi were friends to Usagi.

He wanted the Shitennou back to him, not just their spirits but their whole being.

A gentle knock interrupted his thoughts. He glanced at the clock and blinked: Usagi and the girls were a bit early.

He wiped his tears away and walked to the door. He couldn't show his pain to Usagi; if he had revealed his desire to have the Shitennou back, for sure Usagi would have felt responsible for his pain and for her inability to bring the Shitennou back to life. He had to be strong the way the Senshi were, never showing any sign of pain for losing the Shitennou in order not to upset Usagi; Usagi came first, his love for her was everything (the way, for the Senshi, their love for her was everything) but he couldn't deny he missed the Shitennou, and he was pretty sure also the Senshi missed them.

But, the Shitennou were taboo in his talk with the Senshi and with Usagi; nobody knew about the Shitennou's spirits and the stones he once (unfortunately, no more) cherished. It was his secret.

What if the Senshi had known about it? What if Usagi had known? It would have brought just pain. It would have been painful for Usagi because of his pain. It would have been painful for the Senshi, a continuous remind of their loss, a continuous wondering about what was and what could have been, so better for them believing the Shitennou were definitively gone and focusing on their role as Senshi; the main role of the Senshi was to protect their Princess, the way the main role of the Shitennou was to protect him, and both Senshi and Shitennou knew it, so putting aside everything else and their own happiness if needed in order to fulfill their duty, 'cause, after all, their happiness was Usagi and Mamoru's happiness (and it was totally unfair, to Mamoru's point of view).

He had a deep breath, wore a bright smile and opened the door, ready to welcome Usagi and the girls, but his eyes opened wide as he forced his voice out his dry throat and his fake smile faded, "It can't be."

Was he going crazy because of the pain?

Kunzite smiled and entered the apartment, "It can be, Master," followed by Nephrite, Zoisite and finally Jadeite.

Mamoru rubbed his eyes in disbelief, "It can't be, I am dreaming. I fell asleep and this is a dream, just a dream."

Zoisite pinched Mamoru's forearm and grinned, "No, it isn't a dream."

"Ouch! But, how?"

Nephrite patted Mamoru's shoulder, "Really, we don't know. Something has happened in the Cauldron. For unknown reasons we have been brought back to life. We had no memories of you and of our past after coming back to life, but this evening something has changed."

Kunzite nodded, "We have finally recalled everything."

"We have recalled also about your apartment, your civilian identity and how to find this place," Zoisite had a brief laugh, "after all, we stayed here for almost two years."

Mamoru's surprise turned into a hysterical laughing fusing with Zoisite's laughing, and the hysterical laughing into a joyful crying. When he finally wiped his tears away, he stared at the Shitennou in front of him, his usual formal and cold demeanor gone.

He hugged Kunzite, first, his arms firmly around the tall and muscular Knight, "I missed you, Kunzite." When he parted from Kunzite, he lowered his head and waited for Kunzite's gentle patting his head.

Nephrite came after. The brown haired Knight prevented Mamoru's hug and wrapped his muscular arm around Mamoru's neck, pulling Mamoru against his wide chest and ruffling his raven hair.

Zoisite opened his arms wide and welcomed Mamoru's hug with a sweet smile and a gentle patting Mamoru's shoulders.

After Zoisite, Mamoru focused on Jadeite, the one who usually spoke the last and the one who usually stayed a step behind the others. So, as usual, even now Jadeite was silent, a calm smile on his face as he watched the scene. Mamoru gently wrapped his arms around Jadeite, holding him close while the blond guy remained still in his arms, just his soft voice answering Mamoru's hug, his first words, "I am happy to meet you again, Master."

The doorbell rang.

Mamoru parted from Jadeite and glanced at the clock, "Usagi and the girls! What are they going to say?"

Nephrite winked, "I guess they are going to be happy to see us."

Kunzite nodded, his silent way to tell Mamoru to open the door.

Mamoru walked to the door and, before to open it, he turned round, scared by the idea it was just a dream and the Shitennou were going to disappear if he had averted his eyes from them.

They were still there, smiling at him.

It was a magic night, Christmas Eve.

The best Christmas Eve for Mamoru. And the best Christmas Eve for the Senshi, too.


End file.
